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Dancers we met a lot of real women, and that's why we felt like interviewing dancers and strippers was perfect for this subject, because they're not models, they're not actresses, and they're not perfect, yet they have this confidence with which they can go out and make a living by being comfortable being naked. Yet, they still have the same hangups regular women have, in terms of cellulite, having small boobs, or big boobs, those things that make you feel less than perfect. They're very candid about dealing with those things, and also about the fact that those kind of hangups aren't what sexiness is. So, that was kind of a really great discovery we would not have made without talking to so many real women. Is there any one thing that women in that line of work tend to have in common?JA: Confidence. Although we had a little bit of a glimpse into that the first night that we sort of came up with this idea, I think through our research what we were just struck by was this unbelievable confidence in their own bodies that simply comes from spending so much time naked. [Laughs] I think that's the thing that we really marveled at. In a couple of instances, we were at clubs where the women who were making the most money, or getting the most attention, were also the ones who seemed to embody that confidence. It seemed like they had this very devil-may-care attitude, and that's what drew in customers. They also seemed like they were having fun, so it was sort of this spirit that the really successful dancers we saw embodied, that quality. The woman who wrote our introduction, Brynne Dearie, she was a dancer in Chicago, she definitely brimmed with that kind of enthusiasm and confidence, and just seemed like she was having fun with it, and that's part of the reason why she's so successful. One of the things I've noticed about women, since being married, is that, a lot of times, women, or at least my wife, do things to feel sexy for themselves. She might buy a new dress, or get some new makeup, and it's not even to show-off for me, it just makes her feel better. Do you think that applies to most women? LP: I absolutely think that applies to most women, and I also think that's how it should be. Obviously, looking good for your partner is a huge bonus in many ways, but if you don't feel good about yourself, you're not really going to achieve that. There's a part in the book about "Why is it that when you go for a job interview, you also wear your nicest underwear?" The interviewer should not be seeing your underwear, [Laughs] but there's something about that that makes you feel more confident. Treating yourself, buying new lipstick, having a new hairstyle, and being able to look in the mirror and think "I look really great" does help you feel great. It's kind of a mutual relationship. You have to feel good about yourself, and that makes you want to do those things to help you look better and feel more confident. When you look sexy, you feel sexy." That kind of turns around what you usually hear about having to have the confidence first. It seems like you would actually advise people to try to look sexy, and then they'll feel sexy. JA: Well, it's like that expression: "Smile until the rest of you catches on." There is something to be said for doing what you need to do to look sexy in order to feel sexy. As Leigh pointed out, it's kind of that great infinite logic of one begets the other begets the other. We tended to like the smaller clubs: they felt more fun to us, a little less corporate. You tended to see better stage performances [at smaller clubs], which is interesting to us. We like to watch the moves. We saw crazy pole tricks we thought were really great. Anything that had an unusual routine, style, or costume, that really interested us. It was very interesting, as well, observing the other people, and how the other customers and the managers of clubs reacted to us. Some people were really friendly and wanted to chat to you, other people weren’t so friendly and were kind of like “What are you doing in here? This is ours.” We discovered in Vegas that unescorted women are not allowed in strip clubs, which we didn’t know. Leigh and I have both found a couple of tips that we like. JA: ...and we use them in everyday life. It has had that effect, it’s like everything else, it’s like even if you know that it isn’t something most of the world can see, even if your boyfriend or husband or partner is the only audience, it speaks to the point that we were talking about earlier: it gives you that glow of confidence, just knowing that something’s a little bit different about you today; you’ve got a new bronzer, or a new hairstyle that’s more flattering to your physique. KD: A lot of what a stripper does is a very short-term illusion. What advice would you give someone on looking great long-term, over the course of a relationship? JA: I would just say that giving an eye to this part of one’s self is really important. In life, it’s really easy to get caught up in work, and the dozens and dozens of things and responsibilities that everybody has to do: going to Fed-Ex to pick up something, going to the grocery store, all those things that are probably empirically un-sexy. I think just keeping yourself in the mindset of this sort of confidence and sexy spirit is really important in terms of the longevity of a partnership, or marriage, or even just in terms of self-confidence. So whether that means... We have an illustration I love in the book of a woman vacuuming naked, just certain things like that, I think it’s a fun reminder that we’re all obviously sexual creatures, and even though there’s a lot of layers of life that can shroud that, it’s important to get back in and remember the things that make you feel great about yourself. LP: I would just say, briefly, to add to that, I’m not a wife or mother, but just being kind of “the whole woman,” and what that means. Creating a space for yourself, keeping your bedroom a bedroom for grown-up people, and not a toy-chest, reminding yourself that you are a whole person, and that that role goes beyond the domestic. I think it’s a sign of progress that women are allowed to celebrate their sexual side in a way that feels good for them, whether or not that’s stripping, or whether it’s something completely different like dancing in a night-club, or getting a bikini wax. Just that people can choose what feels good for them and leave the things that don’t reflect well for them, and that they can also, I don’t know, celebrate those sides of themselves, and not wait for the man to be the one that defines what it is to be sexy or sexual. What would you say is the most common beauty mistake women make? JA: I would say that something that really opened our eyes, that we saw in strip clubs, that could really have a great place in the outside world, is just the idea of not covering up what you think is a flaw. For example, it’s May, swimsuit season is around the corner. That always produces a certain amount of anxiety in women. I was taking a look at swimsuits recently, and there’s the cover-ups, you go to the beach and you see people wearing t-shirts to cover themselves, and, as we say in the book, nothing quite screams out so badly as a t-shirt over your swimsuit, “I hate myself,” and that’s uglier than any swimsuit you could possibly pick out. So, I think, one of things that was most enlightening to us is that when you have a sense of ownership over your body, and you’re actually flaunting it, that is one of the most alluring traits in a woman. There was a club in San Francisco where we noticed that one dancer was very conventionally attractive, and another was not as conventionally attractive: a little heavier-set, definite cellulite, but she just worked the room. She made eye contact, she was friendly and smiling, and the night we were there she made more tips than any other dancer, and certainly more than the sort of “girl next door” that we had seen who was really attractive and skinny. It’s just that sense of comfort in your own skin, and I think that really goes so far. I’d just like to reiterate the fact that [the book] shows things that anyone can do. You don’t have to be an expert, you don’t have to be a makeup artist, stylist, or dancer. These are just quick fixes that anyone can do, but it focuses on just those aspects of having a good time and feeling good about yourself. |
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